I asked my sweet friend Emma to be a guest blogger for me. I am so proud to see the way the Lord is growing her and of the woman, she has become! I have great respect for her and how she always speaks from the heart, without fear. I am learning to share my heart more and more and allowing the Lord to use my blogs to touch someone who reads it. Thank you sweet Emma for being willing to be my guest blogger! You are very special to me and very proud to have you in my life! xoxo

Sometimes when I pray, I like to imagine that I'm kneeling at the foot of the cross while Christ is still hanging there. Although slightly morbid, I think in the times I do that- it's out of guilt. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed that I helped put Him there. And I think by using that imagery I try to scare myself into behaving.

One day when I shared that with a professor and he said, "That's interesting. But have you ever tried imagining Christ risen and seated at the right hand of God?"...and honestly, I hadn't.

I realized that I spend a lot of time "looking backward." I haven't quite gotten over my sin. I spend a lot of time feeling remorseful. I constantly find myself forcing myself to think about things I have done and how it made me feel so sad and miserable so as not to let history repeat itself (even when it's so tempting). That I constantly make my sin out to be so terribly awful, the end all be all. And that the more aware I become of my sin- the more filthy it becomes.

By doing that I constantly leave Christ in the grave. 

This weekend we sang "Jesus Paid it All" and again I was reminded of my tendency to do this when we sang, "Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow." Sin HAD left a crimson stain. But it doesn't stop there. He also WASHED IT WHITE AS SNOW.

This is a struggle for me and I haven't quite overcome it- but I spend more time dwelling on the past, thinking, "What if this," "What if that," instead of, "It is finished."

I want to let go of the past. I want to run my race and not look back because what is in front of me is so thrilling. It is the kingdom of Christ! How am I to delight in, rejoice in, and truly anticipate that if I'm looking backward? Don't your odds of stumbling and falling generally increase if you run looking behind you?

I can't wonder what could have been or continue to tie myself down. Because Christ has risen and I have been set free. 

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Philippians 4:8

I am whole. I am healthy. I am right where Christ wants me to be. I am looking forward and I will fight the fight and finish my race.

Ah....Fall!!!!!

To Every Thing, There is a Season - Ecclesiastes 3. 1-8

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I am so happy to finally be able to wear sweaters and have the air conditioning off. I know I'm not alone. It's time for bonfires, corn mazes, and long walks at John Bryant Park. I need to be honest. I have been struggling to bring joy to all I do. I've been stuck in a season. I've not been faithfully in the Word, nor have I been praying. Pastor Rob's teaching on Sunday morning has been on my mind all week. Christ challenged the woman in regard to her religious assumptions, exposed her sin, and Christ offered Himself. Isn't it so like Christ to show us who He is in all we do? The water of Jesus is a gift, living, ever satisfying, and internal and external spring. This week has been a struggle for me. I've been emotionally and physically tired and have not been in the best of moods. My HC quad was so great and they embraces me and loves me regardless of my mood. I love these women so much! They know exactly what to say to remind me of Christ's love and that there is no condemnation. Christ is the living water I need and should be drinking of this water. As Jason said the previous week, I am the broken jar, but my light should be shining through that brokenness. Sheila Smith reminded me that although we are in a season of pain, Christ has His hands all over the situation and works through us to bring the light to those who do not know him. I love her so much! She has been an encouragement to me! Sheila is in my HC family and she has shown so much love to us even though she is in pain! I want to be like her. Work through the pain and love on people, and that does include me. I am so blessed to have friends and family in my life who do not allow me to wallow in my self-pity and show me that I'm loved regardless of what mood or state of mind I'm in. So regardless of which season you are in, trust the Lord to walk with you through the mist of it! Hang on to the love of God!!!!!!

New Job

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

It was a long four weeks of training; however, I met some really great people, a few are lifelong friends in the making. I know the Lord has great things in store for me at The Berry Company and know He has put me here for a reason. Maybe it's to be there for new friends or just to be and show His love through me. I have been really exhausted the past month of working and trying to get used to working again. Being in the corporate world after being off for two and a half years is not easy. I'm struggling with how to balance life and work. Poor Sadie, she is being such a good girl, I know she's going through a big adjustment as well. I am so thankful for great friends and family who love me through this adjustment. There have been some emotional moments and some fun moments. 

 The friends I've made at work so far have been great. I keep in touch with Melissa most. She and I have a lot in common and clicked right away. I would not have made it through the training without her. :O) There are others who made training especially fun, Richard in particular, but so happy it's finally finished and now on my own. Technically I'm still in training for additional 12 weeks, but it's so nice to be able to work on my own and adjust to my own style. The picture above is the entire training class and the trainers. 

The Lord is teaching me to be patient with myself and not be too quick to judge others. To be honest, I have had my moments that were not glorifying to the Lord and I've not been very careful with my mouth. I want to be the witness the Lord wants me to be and I could use additional prayer to help me be what the Lord wants me to be. I want the Lord to shine through my actions and sometimes my actions, although not bad, are not glorifying. I should be doing everything to the glory of God. I'm struggling but I'm trying harder. The Lord is so good and just to protect and be there for His people. I am going to do whatever it takes to do everything to the glory of the Lord. Much love to you all, Robyn :O)

First Two Weeks of Training

Well, it's been two weeks of training at my new job and I'm exhausted. Although it's great to be back in the corporate world, it's harder than I thought it would be to get back into the swing of things. It doesn't help that I have two dogs this week. :O) It's something to get used to as well. God has blessed me beyond my imagination and there are times of amazement at His wonders. He is so faithful to those who wait on Him. It's all in His timing. He has tested me in my patience as well as shown me that if I am faithful and trust in His will, He will reveal a little of what He has in store. I'm waiting for what is in store for me in regard to my new job as well as how He will use me. I have met many new friends, but there are a few that I've really connected with. I have made lifelong friends. I am excited to continue to get to know them. I have a couple of new places to visit. :O) 

I am looking forward to seeing how the Lord uses these friendships. I am faithful He will reveal how I am to honor Him in these relationships. I am so thankful to my family and friends for their support during my transition into the working class. I have not been around much and they have loved me through this and I'm eternally grateful. I love them so much! :O) I am continuing to pray the Lord helps me to retain what I am learning in my new job and that once I have completed training I am able to apply what I've learned and done a fantastic job! I am at this company for a reason and I'm going to do my best to honor the Lord in all I do. 

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” – Phil 4:19

First I am so thankful for my sweet friend Emma for helping me make my blog look so much better! Thank you so much! I love you girl!!!!!!! I am sorry It's been a while since my blog. So much has happened. I have finally landed a job. After 2 1/2 years, I have a job. I will be working at The Berry Company as a Client Account Manager. My first day is the 19th of July! The Lord has been so good and faithful. I would not have made it through this transition in my life without my faith in the Lord. God is so good! 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 

I did not know what my future held, but I had to hold on to my Lord and trust His plan was much better than my own. I may not understand why it took this long to get a job; however, I have to come to the understanding, it is not for me to know. 

My relationship with the Lord grew during this time. I had to trust in Him, since I had no other choice. My friend Sheila is going through I tough time with chemo for her lung cancer, and she said something tonight that touched me. She was discussing how sick the chemo is making her, she said all she could do was think of her head on the Lamb's lap and He is rubbing her head saying He is with her. How awesome is that. She has not wavered in her faith and during this rough time, she is continuing to trust the Lord will bring her through. She is so strong. I have not right to complain about a single thing. I am healthy and have not had to suffer for anything. Praise the Lord for that! The Lord will bring her through this because of her faith and trust, just He has brought me through this trail. I am truly blessed. I have great friends, who have been beside me through this time in my life and have stepped up to be that support and encouragement I've needed. 

There have been many times where some of my friends did not understand but they were there to listen and be the support I needed. My house church family has been awesome!!!! Although I've struggled to find my place with in the house church, I've learned to trust they are there for me to stand behind me through thick and thin. To my special peeps in my old and new quad.....I love them so much and have been blessed to have women of God who are willing to call me out on things, so deserving, and love on me when I needed it the most. My family has been unbelievable. I can not put into words my love for them nor can I say how much I appreciate the support and love they have shown me. I have the best family. :) I have a new friend in my house. She is a nine year old black lab named Sadie. She has been fun to have around. It's nice to have her here when I come home to. I have had her for a couple of months, and although we had a rough start, I think we've found our grove and she's here to stay. Sorry such a long blog, but much to say! I am thankful to have great friends and family! God is good and is teaching me things each and every day about myself. I am stronger than I thought I was!

There are many things I am grateful for and have been blessed in my life. It's been 2 years since I was laid off from GE Money Bank and I have had some great things happen to me while I have been out of work. I have finally finished my Associate's Degree in Business Management and will have my diploma within the month. I will begin my Bachelor's Degree in Health Care Administration on the 26th. I am in the process of deciding where to attend Nursing school. I am hoping it's KCMA. That is my first choice. In order for WIA funds to pay for 1/2 the tuition, I have to take another math test and get at least a score of 10 in order to be considered for the funds. I am praying the Lord provides the knowledge while I'm taking the test in order to get that score required. I am beyond blessed when it comes to financial means. I have been able to continue to live in my home and to have food to eat. I have had support from my family, without them I don't think 2009 would have been a good year. Although I may look at it as if I don't have a job and have had only two interviews, I am still beyond blessed! The Lord has proven he is sovereign and in control over and over. I have to remember that I am not in control over my life, God is. That is really something I am going to continue to work hard at, that is releasing the control over to the Lord. It's not my life in the first place. He has allowed me to breathe and be alive each and every day. I have enjoyed my nephew more than I would have if I had been working. He is such a joy in my life and love him more than words can say. I wish that my niece was here so I could also enjoy spending time with her. I am wishing for 2010 that I lose the weight that I have set to lose. I also want to grow closer to the Lord and be out in my neighborhood sharing Him to everyone. My number one goal is to build my relationship with the Lord and spread His word and what He has done for me! I need to not be shy to talk about the Lord with my friends and continue to reach the lost for Him. It's not me that is in control and He will have the last word. I need to do my part and get the word out that He is coming and He will judge and I don't want to see my friends not meet and spend eternal life with the Lord. What a tragedy if that would happen. I will keep everyone posted on the nursing school situation! Much love to you all!