I asked my sweet friend Emma to be a guest blogger for me. I am so proud to see the way the Lord is growing her and of the woman, she has become! I have great respect for her and how she always speaks from the heart, without fear. I am learning to share my heart more and more and allowing the Lord to use my blogs to touch someone who reads it. Thank you sweet Emma for being willing to be my guest blogger! You are very special to me and very proud to have you in my life! xoxo

Sometimes when I pray, I like to imagine that I'm kneeling at the foot of the cross while Christ is still hanging there. Although slightly morbid, I think in the times I do that- it's out of guilt. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed that I helped put Him there. And I think by using that imagery I try to scare myself into behaving.

One day when I shared that with a professor and he said, "That's interesting. But have you ever tried imagining Christ risen and seated at the right hand of God?"...and honestly, I hadn't.

I realized that I spend a lot of time "looking backward." I haven't quite gotten over my sin. I spend a lot of time feeling remorseful. I constantly find myself forcing myself to think about things I have done and how it made me feel so sad and miserable so as not to let history repeat itself (even when it's so tempting). That I constantly make my sin out to be so terribly awful, the end all be all. And that the more aware I become of my sin- the more filthy it becomes.

By doing that I constantly leave Christ in the grave. 

This weekend we sang "Jesus Paid it All" and again I was reminded of my tendency to do this when we sang, "Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow." Sin HAD left a crimson stain. But it doesn't stop there. He also WASHED IT WHITE AS SNOW.

This is a struggle for me and I haven't quite overcome it- but I spend more time dwelling on the past, thinking, "What if this," "What if that," instead of, "It is finished."

I want to let go of the past. I want to run my race and not look back because what is in front of me is so thrilling. It is the kingdom of Christ! How am I to delight in, rejoice in, and truly anticipate that if I'm looking backward? Don't your odds of stumbling and falling generally increase if you run looking behind you?

I can't wonder what could have been or continue to tie myself down. Because Christ has risen and I have been set free. 

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Philippians 4:8

I am whole. I am healthy. I am right where Christ wants me to be. I am looking forward and I will fight the fight and finish my race.