I asked my sweet friend Emma to be a guest blogger for me. I am so proud to see the way the Lord is growing her and of the woman, she has become! I have great respect for her and how she always speaks from the heart, without fear. I am learning to share my heart more and more and allowing the Lord to use my blogs to touch someone who reads it. Thank you sweet Emma for being willing to be my guest blogger! You are very special to me and very proud to have you in my life! xoxo

Sometimes when I pray, I like to imagine that I'm kneeling at the foot of the cross while Christ is still hanging there. Although slightly morbid, I think in the times I do that- it's out of guilt. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed that I helped put Him there. And I think by using that imagery I try to scare myself into behaving.

One day when I shared that with a professor and he said, "That's interesting. But have you ever tried imagining Christ risen and seated at the right hand of God?"...and honestly, I hadn't.

I realized that I spend a lot of time "looking backward." I haven't quite gotten over my sin. I spend a lot of time feeling remorseful. I constantly find myself forcing myself to think about things I have done and how it made me feel so sad and miserable so as not to let history repeat itself (even when it's so tempting). That I constantly make my sin out to be so terribly awful, the end all be all. And that the more aware I become of my sin- the more filthy it becomes.

By doing that I constantly leave Christ in the grave. 

This weekend we sang "Jesus Paid it All" and again I was reminded of my tendency to do this when we sang, "Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow." Sin HAD left a crimson stain. But it doesn't stop there. He also WASHED IT WHITE AS SNOW.

This is a struggle for me and I haven't quite overcome it- but I spend more time dwelling on the past, thinking, "What if this," "What if that," instead of, "It is finished."

I want to let go of the past. I want to run my race and not look back because what is in front of me is so thrilling. It is the kingdom of Christ! How am I to delight in, rejoice in, and truly anticipate that if I'm looking backward? Don't your odds of stumbling and falling generally increase if you run looking behind you?

I can't wonder what could have been or continue to tie myself down. Because Christ has risen and I have been set free. 

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Philippians 4:8

I am whole. I am healthy. I am right where Christ wants me to be. I am looking forward and I will fight the fight and finish my race.

Ah....Fall!!!!!

To Every Thing, There is a Season - Ecclesiastes 3. 1-8

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I am so happy to finally be able to wear sweaters and have the air conditioning off. I know I'm not alone. It's time for bonfires, corn mazes, and long walks at John Bryant Park. I need to be honest. I have been struggling to bring joy to all I do. I've been stuck in a season. I've not been faithfully in the Word, nor have I been praying. Pastor Rob's teaching on Sunday morning has been on my mind all week. Christ challenged the woman in regard to her religious assumptions, exposed her sin, and Christ offered Himself. Isn't it so like Christ to show us who He is in all we do? The water of Jesus is a gift, living, ever satisfying, and internal and external spring. This week has been a struggle for me. I've been emotionally and physically tired and have not been in the best of moods. My HC quad was so great and they embraces me and loves me regardless of my mood. I love these women so much! They know exactly what to say to remind me of Christ's love and that there is no condemnation. Christ is the living water I need and should be drinking of this water. As Jason said the previous week, I am the broken jar, but my light should be shining through that brokenness. Sheila Smith reminded me that although we are in a season of pain, Christ has His hands all over the situation and works through us to bring the light to those who do not know him. I love her so much! She has been an encouragement to me! Sheila is in my HC family and she has shown so much love to us even though she is in pain! I want to be like her. Work through the pain and love on people, and that does include me. I am so blessed to have friends and family in my life who do not allow me to wallow in my self-pity and show me that I'm loved regardless of what mood or state of mind I'm in. So regardless of which season you are in, trust the Lord to walk with you through the mist of it! Hang on to the love of God!!!!!!